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Parenting Little Kids with Big Feelings

Calming Anxiety in Motherhood

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I remember a day I had to turn off “Toy Story”

I remember a day I had to turn off “Toy Story” for my three-year-old.

She was upset.

It was ok for me to set this boundary and ok for her to be upset.

💫Instead of dismissing her concern and saying something like: “It’s just a movie you can watch it again tomorrow”... it was more powerful for me to see her want.

“I get that you really want to watch more Toy Story.”

I even take it a step further and imagine out loud with her how fun it would be.

“If we kept watching Toy Story, we’d get to sit and snuggle longer on the couch. We’d get to see Buzz find Woody back again... I get it. It’s so fun to watch.”

Feeling understood is a need we all have.

✨When our kids don’t feel like we get them, they often get angrier. They want to make sure we get the magnitude of their feeling.

As we connect with their feeling, we can set boundaries around the behaviour.

“We can’t watch anymore; I’m going to turn it off now; I see that’s tough.”

💫They are allowed to have their tears about it while we confidently turn it off. We can stay curious (tomorrow’s topic) about why it’s so hard for them to transition. Maybe they are tired, hungry, need to move their bodies, or love the movie and want more.

“I see your tears; it’s ok to be sad about it.”

Allowing tears while holding boundaries gives our children a safe space to lay down their big feelings before moving forward.

✨As you move forward, if your child is able you could imagine with them what it will look like next time they watch, you could tell them a story of when you were a child, and the same thing happened, or you can say to them the story of how they coped with their big feelings.

Let me know if you want more content like this with a heart below!

PS For more on screentime check out today’s stories!

The labels we give children matter. Right from th

The labels we give children matter.

Right from the start, as a society, we like to put kids in boxes.

“These kids are the smart ones; these are the cute ones, these are the athletic ones, these are the musical ones. These kids are good. These kids are bad.”

The way we label kids can impact them for a lifetime.

The way we even talk about labels can impact kids.

Growing up, I wasn’t the smart kid. I wasn’t the pretty, popular, athletic, or musical one either. Growing up in a world of labels, I often felt like I didn’t have a place or any talents. This was usually a place of insecurity and led me to be the “nice” girl. One who often struggled with people-pleasing to try and make people happy with me.

When we label kids when they are young as they get older, they may internalize these messages and believe that to gain others’ attention or affection, they need to be perfect. They feel like they need to get excellent grades, they are afraid to make mistakes, they struggle to believe in themselves.

It took a lot of relearning about myself to recognize that even though I didn’t get the best grades in grade school or high school, I can still be smart. Being “nice” and being “genuinely kind” were different. It took time to really understand that being the popular one didn’t matter at all, and I didn’t need to try and seek approval through other people. It took me time to find confidence in who I was as a person and really find my own way.

What we want to do instead is to respond to all behaviours in a way that tells our children we will always love them no matter how they behave.

I also want to say this: I know how easy it is to label kids. It can be a tricky line to help nurture those talents without putting them in a box. Remembering to focus on the process instead of the outcome helps me!

💫💫Also, if your kids sometimes hear the “instead of” comments it’s ok. Take a breath. This post is to help us reflect on the messaging our child hears the majority of the time and for us to be aware of the 💡💡intention behind our message! It’s ok for them to hear they are smart or pretty from time to time!

Did you grow up with a label? How did it impact you? It

Tell me about your transition from 1-2+ kids! Was

Tell me about your transition from 1-2+ kids!
Was it:
❤️ Very Hard
💛 Kind of Hard
💚 Smooth

“Ok, mommy, it’s time to bring the baby back, and I be the baby again. I’m done being the big sister.”

✅Does this sound familiar?

My three-year-old confidently said this to me a few weeks after the baby was born.

She was having a tough morning and was feeling conflicted over being a big sister.

💡I later reflected and realized I’d been giving her the messaging “I love watching you be a big sister” over and over, but I had forgotten to let her know that no matter how big she was, she was still my little girl.

✅Telling our kids that we love how they are a big helper and absolutely love watching them as an older sibling can be really powerful.

✅Narrating and speaking these loving truths out loud to our older kids helps them feel seen and can help them transition into their new role as a big sibling.

🔥However, if we just focus on telling our tots that they are big kids now and big helpers, it can leave them feeling conflicted.

❤️They have always been the baby, and when they see you with the new baby, it may make them feel a sense of loss over no longer being the baby in the family.

❤️We may see them trying to voice this feeling and gain our connection through things like using a baby voice, hitting their sibling, or other behaviours that feel challenging. Engaging in these challenging behaviours helps them get the connection time with us that they had before the new baby came into the picture.

👍🏼Try this instead - Offer them chances to be your little one.

❄️Proactively build in one on one time with them (even if it’s only 15 minutes a day).

❄️Offer them snuggles - even wrap them up in a blanket!

❄️Surprise them once in a while by doing something over and beyond what they ask of you! For example: If they ask for a drink bring them a drink and pretend they are a King/Queen and you are at their service. Making them giggle and connect with you.

💫💫Remember it’s not about saying these exact words to your kids, but about communicating the message behind these words!

Help out a parent transitioning to multiple kids and share your best tip below!