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Parenting Little Kids with Big Feelings

Calming Anxiety in Motherhood

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Repeat after me: ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ✨My child’s beh

Repeat after me: ⠀⠀
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✨My child’s behaviour is not my report card as a parent.⠀ ⠀
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✨It’s ok for me to want no more meltdowns or tantrums in my home. They can be really tough. (Please give yourself this compassion❤️).⠀
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✨My child’s meltdown or tantrum does not make me a bad parent or them a bad child.⠀⠀
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➕Kids aren’t born with the ability to regulate their emotions.⠀⠀⠀
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Just like babies aren’t born with the ability to soothe themselves when they feel upset.⠀⠀⠀
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Somewhere between newborns and toddlers we often forget about this. ⠀⠀⠀
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As our kids become older we start to shift our expectations... and often as we do this we find our kids letting us down over and over.⠀⠀⠀
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When we find ourselves saying “they should know better” or “do better” over and over, we may need to take a step back and gently remind ourselves about what we can expect from our kids from a developmental perspective.⠀

Tantrums are actually a very common part of your child’s development.⠀⠀
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Little kids who are dysregulated are learning how to cope with big feelings for the first time. They also may be trying to communicate something with you they don’t have the words or ability to communicate yet.⠀⠀
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Teaching them how to respond to their big feelings isn’t a one time thing, a one size fits all approach... instead it is a process that involves calm, curiosity, connection, and collaboration. ⠀⠀⠀

There is no magical tantrum cure... instead what we can do is breathe, get curious, acknowledge how our kids are feeling, set boundaries around behaviour and remember that your job isn’t to fix emotions, it is to simply be there, walking through the wave of emotion with your kiddos.⠀⠀⠀
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➕I know for me, remembering that my child is learning how to respond to her big feelings for the first time helps me have compassion for her in these challenging moments.⠀⠀⠀
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Let’s give ourselves so much compassion in these moments instead of guilt or shame. ❤️⠀⠀⠀

This has been one of the most helpful pieces of knowledge for myself as a parent to have compassion on myself/child - what helps you??

➕Put a tantrum question or ❤️ below for more on this topic.

Check out our free masterclass more!

What is the most common thing you get unsolicited

What is the most common thing you get unsolicited advice about??? Let me know below!

I’ve received it on everything including:

🌟A stranger telling me I shouldn’t order a coffee while pregnant.

🌟Someone asking me why I had *already* switched my daughter to formula… didnt I know I should have been breastfeeding??😩

🌟Being told that my baby shouldn’t be waking up anymore at night, and many things I should do to get her to sleep better.

And the list goes on.

Sometimes you don’t even think you have a problem, until you get advice on something. All of a sudden it can feel like a call to react.

From advice on feeding, how much to hold your baby, how to discipline and more… it can be tough to know what to say. Using a strong voice can be done with love.

💫“Thank you.”
💫“I’m not looking for feedback on this right now.”
💫“I love that you are willing to help, but right now, I just need someone to listen to me.”
💫“That’s interesting”
💫“I hear you” (Let’s person feel heard so you can both move forward)
💫“I feel confident in what we are doing.”
💫“I’ve already talked to my doctor about it.”
💫“This may not be right for you, but it works for us!”

You can also be honest:

🙌🏼"I know how much you love Sally, and I'm glad you spend so much time with her. I know you think you're helping me when you give me advice about this, but I'm comfortable with my approach, and I'd appreciate it if you'd understand that."

I know if you are a recovering people pleaser, the idea of doing something that may make someone upset can be tricky.

Here are some helpful reminders:
🍃 Visualize this person’s emotion coming to you. You are going to take their emotion and imagine handing them back to them. Their feelings are not your feelings.
🍃 Repeat to yourself: It is ok for someone to be upset about the boundaries I am setting.

💫Choose trusted people whose advice you value, and ask them. This will help you protect your heart from the opinions of thousands out there.

Does this help? Put a ❤️ below if it does!

PS In our free masterclass, we cover how to set boundaries with your kids confidently!! This class will be expiring soon! Check it out - link in bio!

Let’s talk secrets. Start by taking a deep brea

Let’s talk secrets.

Start by taking a deep breath. I’m going to be straight forward here and this topic is hard. Please feel free to skip past this post if you don’t have the capacity for this.❤️

Alright let’s dive in...

✨Secrets are an abusers best friend.

Abuse flourishes in secrecy.

In the clients I’ve worked with who have been through abuse and those I know personally in almost all situations they were told to keep the abuse a secret.

They were told things like:

➕”If you share this you’ll get in trouble.”

➕”If you tell a teacher what’s happening at home you’ll get taken away from us.”

➕”This is your fault, you can’t tell anyone.”

➕”Let’s keep this our little secret...”

And so on.

Secrets allow the abuser to keep control.

This is the case for sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse and neglect. It’s the reason abuse can happen right under our noses in families we know...

It’s important for us to be aware of as not only parents but family members, teachers, and providers.

Ok another breath. I know this is heavy. But we are committed to talking about hard and important things here.

We teach our kids the “no secrets rule” (you may do “happy surprises” as ok... we can talk more on this in another post)

Teach your children:
➕If someone tells you something bad will happen if you tell a secret, you still tell me the secret. Don’t believe them.

➕If someone tells you that you will get a trouble for telling a secret, you tell me right away, you will NEVER get in trouble for it.

➕If someone tells you I’ll (or someone else) will be hurt because you told the secret DON’T believe them, and tell me right away.

Want more on this topic??? Let me know with a ❤️ below!

For more on keeping kids body safe - check out our free 18 page bonus guide in the parenting little kids with big feelings course!! Bonus only available for a limited time with purchase of the course!