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Parenting Little Kids with Big Feelings

Calming Anxiety in Motherhood

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💕When your children are throwing toys what do y

💕When your children are throwing toys what do you do?(Swipe for more)
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Do you let them keep the toy?⠀
Do you take it away?⠀
Do you threat or take away other privileges?⠀
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✅Here’s one way to respond:⠀
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Connect:⠀
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➕Get on their level and hold toy. “This toy is really hard and could really hurt someone if you throw it. I can’t let you throw it. You can push it or play on the ground. If you can’t be safe with it I’m going to take it away for now.”⠀
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Boundary + Logical Consequence (a few examples):⠀
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➕”I can’t let you throw this toy.”⠀
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➕”I’m going to take the toy because you aren’t being safe with it.”⠀
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➕”I’m going to hold onto the toy right until you can be safe.”⠀
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➕”Let’s take some super deep breaths and shake out our body.”⠀
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Allow all feelings:⠀
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➕Allow all feelings around the boundary. You are allowed to set it, and your child is allowed to be upset about it. ⠀
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And now... this is the key that so often gets missed. If your kiddo does the same thing over and over.... getting curious is the key: ⠀
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👍Behaviour is communication. Let’s find out what it’s communicating.
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➕Does it help them gain connection with you? ⠀
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✅If so maybe you can proactively build in connection time with them during the common times of day that they have a hard time. ⠀
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➕Does it help them meet a sensory need? ⠀
✅Building in movement can do wonders for children who struggle with aggression. Proactively pushing, pulling, jumping, squeezing! An OT can really help with this.⠀
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➕Do they leave the room and go to timeout every time? ⠀
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✅Maybe they need to learn how to ask for a break. You could create a secret signal for when they are overwhelmed, or intervene and give them a break from playing before they hit.⠀
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➕Do they just really want the toy and don’t know how to express?⠀
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✅Narrate the words you want them to use, role play what to do if a friend has the toy they want, connect with the feelings to let them know you see them.⠀
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This is why getting curious is key. ⠀
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There is NO one script fits all approach. When we understand why behaviour is happening we can help our children in a way that will really last. ⠀

Let me know if this helps with a ❤️ below!

I remember a time when I was growing up. All three

I remember a time when I was growing up. All three kids had given my mom a DAY. By the time he got home from work she was done. (Sounds familiar to me now.)

She must have said something to my dad about it because before I knew it he said we had to talk and he took all three of us kids into the basement living room.

Instead of “teaching us a lesson” through yelling at us, sending us all to our room, or separating himself from us, he brought us into relationship first.

❤️He narrated the day for us, and explained that my mom was having a hard time. Not with judgement on us or blaming us for our moms emotions but to help us reflect on our actions.

✅There wasn’t a perfect script that he followed or a methodology he needed to practice to a tee when we had a meltdown. He focused on bringing us into relationship in this moment, and that’s the most important thing he could have done.

❤️The difference between narrating like this to help bring empathy and blaming your child on your emotions is he never said: You made mom yell or I had to yell because you did this. Instead he simply got curious with us...

✅”I heard __ and ____ happened today... help me understand.”

As an adult I still remember this discipline.

Being disciplined in this way has helped guide my conversations with people I disagree with, my partner, and my own children.

❤️When you treat others with respect, you will be respected and teach respect.

The Latin root of the word discipline is disciplina. If you look up what it means it is to: guide and to teach. To truly disciple or discipline our children we do need to teach them lessons, but not in the way mainstream parenting has taught us for years.

My parents didn’t always get this right, I don’t always get this right, and you won’t either. That’s ok.

This week on the stories and in the feed we will be talking about true discipline.

As a psychotherapist who has worked with and has now taught discipline to thousands of parents, debunking what it looks like is the first step to disciplining in a way that truly connects.

➕➕➕Does this story help? Let me know or share your own parenting story below!

“Mommy, go away!!” Does this sound familiar?

“Mommy, go away!!”

Does this sound familiar?

Your child screams at you as you try to calmly narrate their feelings in the moment of bedtime (or anytime) tantrum.

Frantically you think to yourself “Ah this isn’t what is supposed to happen”.... isn’t my calm supposed to create their calm, why are they more upset.

I want to assure you mama you aren’t alone. This is a common response from kiddos in the moment when they are feeling dysregulated.

Here is the thing... they are feeling unsafe with their big feelings, overwhelmed with their big feelings, and even though they aren’t realizing this, they are trying to see if you can handle their feelings as well.

Their tantrum is ok.
It’s ok for them to be upset.
AND this can be really hard for us.

The truth is in the moments when your kiddo is in the middle of a big tantrum they are not processing your words, logic, or requests anyway.

The more words you say they may be feeling more overwhelmed. Instead, I suggest to my students to narrate what is going on and then wait in silence with your kiddo, offering your presence instead of more words. This helps you to avoid overwhelming them. Once they are feeling more calm you can connect again.

So what to do when they are screaming: “LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Instead of leaving them alone with their big feelings when they are yelling at you to leave, you can simply pause, step back, and let them know you are still there for them ready when they are.

A few things you could say:

“I’ll step back a little, I hear you want space. I won’t leave you alone with these feelings. I’m stepping back, but I am still right here with you.”

“I hear you want space, I’m stepping back but not leaving you alone. I’m right here for you.”

I may take a step or two back, give them physical space to let out their feelings. I’m here, I’m not afraid of your big feelings. Offer them presence instead of words.

Once they are calm you can come back again. You may tell them the story of what happened, narrate the experience for them, or simply give them a hug as you move forward.

REMINDER: Our bedtime guide is at a lower price right now as I work on updates to it!❤️ Grab it for $37 cad link in bio!